昨晚艾莉睡得比較差，午夜至三時很難睡得好，更遑論可以 train 她睡小床。除了我會再留意這是否她的 wakeful time pattern 之外，今早我在反省，我可能是替自己平添了太多壓力，too much，too soon。我再想 train 她睡小床，但她全無睡意我又可以拿她怎樣？再者我也不是一個人湊艾莉，其他人如何讀解她的哭聲如何 respond 我也是沒有權可以 control。假若我硬要控制所有在我的手裡，我只是對自己太嚴苛了。況且，例如老公選擇了抱著艾莉睡以防她哭，我又何需為他操心，擔心他睡得不好呢？畢竟那是他的選擇，他亦沒有要求我也這樣抱著她。
我知道我需要放鬆... 當年阿比雖然睡了大床很久，最終也可以 move 到自己的 toddler bed 吧！可以 sleep train 艾莉固然好，但試過努力後就算不一定立即成功，最終 with time 也有 way out 吧！我實在不用把不是我責任的東西往我身上扛...
阿比·艾莉·加力媽媽手記
1 comment:
It is good that you can relax, babies change all the time and you will adjust to your 2nd time round role as a mum better and better.
I respect you and your family's conviction of and exploration into what is the most suitable way of looking after babies. But I just want to make clear the ideas of my earlier comment:
When Loretta had Ally, I heard the midwives said that you would not spoil a baby within 3 months old. It means that even if you have to cuddle an infant a lot, you won't spoil him/her. It is not to encourage you to attend to the baby for no reason but just do not feel guilty if your baby is not an easy baby according to our standard. Most babies pay no heed to day and night and end up crying to be held, fed, or attended to.
Dr. Chilton bases his claim on neurobiological research in the past decade that it is during the early months after birth that crucial connections are established in the brain between the limbic system, where emotions are experienced and the neocortex, the part of the brain that rationalises experience. Babies can feel emotions but not rationalise them. If they are left to feel fear or stress, their brain releases stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. If it happens in a sustained way, perhaps by parents trying to make them sleep on demand, their brains anticipate further stress as a matter of course. I must stress that this may present a problem only if this way is "sustained". Please also note that this is only for new born babies and not for bigger babies or toddlers whom would need loving disciplines from their parents.
I fully appreciate your way of bringing up Abby and let her sleep with you guys for long time. Only when a child feels secure in your love that you can start to discipline him/her. You need that time to build up a loving and "touching" relationship with Abby, well done.
I had heard a mum ask a child expert what should she do when her child comes into the room in the middle of the night and wants to sleep with the parents. The answer was: It depends on how much time you have spent with the child during the day. If you are not a working mum and have already spend enough time with him/her during the day, then you can order the child to go back to his/her room, but if you have only spent a little time with the child during the day, you should let the child come into your bed and cuddle him/her. By the same token you have been flexible and had filled up Abby's love quota when she most needed it when she first came home.
I reckon the enjoyment and satisfaction of Philip holding little Elly into his bossom out-weigh the sleep deprivation.
You are the best wife to Philip and the best mum to Abby and little Elly, just by being you.
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