Monday, December 05, 2005

God Taught Me How To Pray!

星期日容易情緒波動 -- 我逐漸明白為何我會如此,因教會實在有太多BB、太多媽媽及幾位大肚婆 -- 可能我比較脆弱,但每一樣都可以是導火線!但也感謝一位姊妹捉住我,要與我一起為到此事禱告。^_^

記得有一次回家途中,忽然感到很氣餒。我在禱告中對神說:我理智上知道一個perfect的禱告應該是 -- 「神呀,祢有祢為我安排的時間,祢所安排的,必是對我最好的。請祢給我耐性等候祢的旨意成就吧!」但那一刻,我不想作此禱告,因我心中想說的是 -- 「神呀,祢知道我的真感受。我很想當媽媽,很希望好似其他人一樣,好害怕被其他人撇下,被祢撇下。」雖然我很清楚神明明在聖經中應許祂永不會撇下我,但那一刻,我真的很害怕被撇下,亦為自己任性的禱告不快樂。

但神卻用詩篇第六篇告訴我,我如此任性卻真心的禱告,神也會聽。大衛也是如此禱告:Can't you see I'm black and blue, beat up badly in bones and soul? God, how long will it take for you to let up? Break in, God, and break up this fight; if you love me at all, get me out of here... I'm tired of all this -- so tired. My bed has been floating forty days and nights on the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. The sockets of my eyes are black holes; nearly blind, I squint and grope. Get me out of here, you Devil's crew: at last God has heard my sobs. My requests have all been granted, my prayers are answered. (對不起,英文較傳神,較切合我的心聲)

感謝神用幾千年前的詩歌來安慰我,並寫出我的感受,终有一天,祂會應允我的禱告!

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